I started writing a blog post about how to deal with life’s curveballs when I realized I wrote this post two years ago.
And then I got mad as hell.
Here I am, prepared to describe all the ways in which one can overcome personal hardship when I realized I’ve said it all before! That’s a smack in the face if I ever saw it.
So here I am, I have been dealt yet another hand of cards and guess what? It’s a shit hand. I’ve got a feeling of deja vu and I do not like it.
I’ve learned what I’ve learned but come on, when life keeps on ‘ya with the curveballs, what does one do? What does one do with curveball after fucking curveball?
Last time I wrote about the things that do help: honour it, expire it, and find the good. But what should you not do? When the going gets tough what should you steer clear of, as if it were the plague?
Don’t: Think It’s Your Fault
When we think about the things that are utterly, most definitely out of our control, a little voice still creeps in like what if I didn’t…. Or, could I have tried…. It’s easy to play the blame game and drag yourself through the guilt. Maybe too easy. The internet doesn’t help either because you can Google any scenario wondering if there’s a link between what you did and what happened and you’ll probably find what you’re looking for: fault.
Don’t fall for it. The blame game is a one-way ticket to depression. Think: f o r w a r d.
Don’t: Think You Deserve It
This is the pits and the one I struggle most with. When bad things happen I wonder if I manifested it like some sort of metaphysical witch. Like, are my Chakra’s all misaligned because of some deep-rooted issue and as a result X, Y, and Z happened? Am I for some reason unworthy or flawed and do I deserve this?
Experimenting with the idea that you have manifested some terrible, negative situation in your life is dangerous territory because in actuality, it’s just another form of shame. Shaming oneself is a cycle, like a ferris wheel that’s hard to get off. [More on shame by Brene Brown here.]
You can love yourself and be thoroughly happy and then get Cancer. Self-love and happiness is not immunity in this game of life.
Don’t: Let Unhelpful People Get You Down
Unhelpful people actually are trying to be super helpful, and in fact, believe they’re helpful but in actuality have no idea what to do or say to you as you come to grips with your hardship. They’re trying, oh are they trying to be helpful but they fall short.
People get unbelievably uncomfortable with others’ pain and suffering. The space of another person’s hurt is often uncharted and usually we have only our own experiences to measure against and frankly, that’s going to be a hit or miss.
The crux of it is that people are going to say dumb shit to you when you’re hurting. It has nothing to do with you. It’s not malicious. It’s their uncomfortableness on display, that’s all.
Don’t: Compare Without Challenging
I sat alone in the Forest of Deep and Subjective Comparisons all weekend. I pointed my finger from inside the woods like, why not her? Or, my best moment, anyone but me. Yikes. The depths of my resentment surprised even me.
Comparison is unproductive toxicity and yet, part of the process. It’s O.K. to resent the obstacles we face and wonder aloud: Why me? It’s O.K. to look around you and question the seemingly unfairness in which obstacles are dealt but…. But not for long before you challenge yourself to see the imperfections and challenges that others’ face. They’re all around you if you just look.
So, here I am climbing another mountain. It’s unfair. I’m mad about it today. But, like I said before: I shall persevere. Always –> forward.