Unwinding the Vine

We’ve heard it all before…

When life hands you lemons, make lemonade.

When life hands you lemons, find someone who has vodka and have a party.

Or, when life hands you lemons throw them back and demand chocolate.

But what about when life pulls your E-Brake?

Three weeks ago, I ended up in the ER, ambushed with pain. One week, three CT’s, a biopsy, and a spinal tap later and I was “free” to go home. Note: hospital food is as bad as they say it is. Seriously. Finally home and crisis strikes once more. This time in form of heartache, finding that my six year young best feline pal has passed away. Oh! the sorrow.

Now, like anyone I am left agonizing over and rationalizing these events. Why, did they happen? What does it all mean? What am I to learn? 20% curious, 80% obsessive.

Well, here’s some food for thought. For the past four years I have been in overdrive mode. I have been seeking out success like a fiend; and as I became more successful, I’ve only wanted more. Greedy, right? Nothing has been enough for me these past few years. {Yikes! Seeing that written makes it real.}    I’ve been on a rampage of goal crushing, ladder climbing, resume building, and networking and it worked. I got my education, I got a great job, oh and along the way I bought a house, got married, traveled, you know all that good stuff. But whilst on this rampage, I’ve been DOING! Not BEING! I’ve had one eye shut catching Z’s while I dug deeper and deeper into myself for more energy. More love. More time. More!

Now, at 28 years young I’m going through a second serious illness in less than three years. Back luck? Maybe.

So here’s the theory as of today: Overdrive mode. Doing, not being. Goal rampaging. None of it is sustainable. Don’t get me wrong. Without hard work, ambition, and drive I don’t think there’s much of a point but a line must be drawn. Before we get ourselves on the road “to” success, success must first be defined. And not your mother’s success, or your best friend’s. What does success mean to you? I can tell you honestly that I didn’t give that too much of a thought before I went all rampaging

Now what? E-Brake is on. I’m stopped. On doctor’s orders I am to “do nothing” – as if that were to be something I would actually enjoy. In fact, she’s prescribed meditation, reading, walking, and silence.

In my forced-stop state I’m taking this chance to examine my aspirations, my needs, and my desires. My 2013 goal list? Out the window. Trash? Not quite. Recycled? Yes. The point is: I’m taking time off whether I like it or not. The tendrils I have woven so tightly around my goals and “things” must be loosened, the tension will be released and I must unwind.

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  1. Pingback : The Divine Plan | Just a Girl

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