How to begin again

I’ve been on a goal hiatus for almost ten years. A goal hiatus being that I don’t really set goals. I just sort of coast gently. 

Ten years ago I used to write blogs like this and I’d set big, audacious goals and I’d do just about anything to achieve them. I was focused on being successful and checking stuff off of a list that wasn’t really in alignment to who I was. 

But ten years ago life pulled the e-brake on me and everything came to a roaring halt. No goals. No achieving. I was not only sick, I was burned out. 

The coincidence of timing scared me the most. The same year I set unrealistic goals was the same year I got really, really sick. The wellness industry tells us that stress makes us sick and I fell prey to it in a snap. I figured that I manifested this [read: it’s my fault] and so began the difficult relationship I have with goal setting. 

My biggest fear has been: if I push too hard again, will I get sick? Will something “bad” happen again? 

So, I set no goals. I put my head down. I said no a lot and I leaned right into my introversion. The last ten years I have been pacing myself and managing my capacity as I manage kids, work, ongoing chronic illness, and life. 

But now it’s time for a change. I have felt it coming for sometime. The big question in my heart is: how do I begin again? How do I define what I want and go after it in a way that’s not 2013 me but the new, 2023 me? 

How do I pace myself and keep the spirit of gentleness? 

How do I keep myself anchored to my values?

How do I put myself first? Especially as a Mom. 

Start by dreaming. 

A fellow writer friend of mine says that dreaming is a form of planning, and I couldn’t agree more. Dreaming is an escape, dreaming is safe, and dreaming is not a commitment. When we’re a kid we have dreams and I think as adults we still have dreams but we neglect them. What dreams did you have when you were younger that you’ve forgotten about? 

Prioritize pleasure & joy. 

How do you want to feel? Really think about it. This is some of my favorite work from Danielle LaPorte. It’s sort of a way to reverse engineer things so that you’re starting with the feelings you want to evoke or sustain versus the material thing you want to get or achieve. As for pleasure, what if your goals were about going to the theatre more or taking a ceramics class or learning to make pasta? 

Be gentle with yourself.

I started contemplating this change about a year ago and it’s only now that I am sitting down mindfully writing goals for the next year. It took me a long ass time to even consider setting a goal and the goals I have set are mostly fun, anyway. Be kind to yourself. You are not on anyone else’s schedule but yours and you are not late. 

Start somewhere, but only on your terms  

I started by saying I would say yes to more things like going places and seeing people [I know, I know – I leaned right into that introversion!) and at the same time I’m still a work in progress. I can tell you that the more I have said yes on my terms for me not for anyone else, I have felt more joy and alignment and I have found more reasons to say yes time and time again. 

I know one thing for sure. I’m really ready to take some (bigger) steps this year and by bigger, they’re well-measured and completely aligned with my values and my heart. 

We can all come back and begin from wherever we are even if we’ve lost our way.  We can reinvent ourselves, change our minds, and go through the seasons of our lives on our terms, on our timing. There are no rules whatsoever, it’s all a construct anyway. 

Happy goal setting or goal hiatus’ing or something in between – on your terms, on your timing! 

Photo by AARN GIRI on Unsplash